this used to be longer... but it was unsatisfying... and it felt like fluff... even though it was about something important... but i was going to go on with it. But then it got deleted. SO here goes try #2. I don't know why, but my writing feels dry today. So please bear with my dull writing abilities. (i blame it on my too-easy english class in which we haven't written any real things)

As i was at the musical, i rediscovered my love for hearing an orchestra tune up. It's got so much more substance than an actual song... it sort of sets up a tension, like something big is about to happen. Then the musical goes on for a while. Then it's intermission. Then it tunes up agaiin, saying, " there's something even bigger coming up..." and i become amazed with what happens after that. In the same way, i feel that's what's been going on... it feels like i was in the intermission for a while, and yesterday, tension started to build up, like the orchestra of heaven tuning up for something huge....

First, that morning, something became renewed in my heart. intimacy. Have not felt the desire for that intimacy for so long... our pastor said it in a powerful message about the prodigal son's brother. You see, the prodigal son desired intimacy, not the party. The son worked so hard for the party. i think taht's where i was, and maybe i still am. i've realized how much i haven't been seeking GOd- i've just been going through the motions. I've left things on autodrive. And i shouldn't have. And now i have to learn to drive again.

later, i was talking with someone in the car. We started talking about church... then christian club... then... God suddenly rushed into my heart. A desire to see my campus saved just came heavy on me... a desire to see the church unified... things that i've become so angry and frustrated about, i've forgotten how to dream... my mind started to wander from the conversation as my mouth kept moving. God was speaking to me... somethings i can't even put in words. I was about to break into tears, but i stopped myself (because it's embarrassing for a guy to cry in front of a girl!). Something had to be done. Something that my anger or frustration or my strength could never accomplish. Something I couldn't accomplish. I had been trying so hard to accomplish it all. but it wasn't happening, so i stopped trying. And then, i forgot that i only did half of it. I shouldn't ahve stopped at stopping to try. I should have STARTED trusting God. But right now, even as i write, God's asking me- will you dare to keep moving on your own strength? and do you dare stop moving with out climbing on my wings? That day, God was tired of waiting for me to climb on, so he grabbed me with his talons.

and later that day, i went to school to pray by myself and with God. SOmething I haven't done for so long. it was real weird. I started praying out loud. Everytime I would pray something, A loud shriek would come from the horizon, and a plane would come. it came after every "anointed" prayer that was birthed from revelation... And when i saw those planes coming, it was as if... as if... holes were punched through, and God's angels were bursting through with cries of passion and anguish for the lost and landing all around the campus.

then i went to the bleachers and prayed. I looked upon the school... and something came over me and i yelled... not out of anger like the last time i did. Not out of frustration. THey were simply cries for God.... ( i think i scared a lady walking her dog away) MAY THE SLEEPING GIANTS ON OUR SCHOOLS AWAKEN... Jesus... awaken us!!!! i can't describe it. I haven't had this feeling for so long... anyways... something even crazier happened as i was pulling out of the parking lot. I looked out towards the horizon, and i saw clouds. They were shaped EXTREMELY realistically like a group of people praying... now, i'm not superstitious, but i have a bad habit of looking at clouds... and i've never seen something that realistic looking. It had to be God. I don't know what he's saying, but he keeps doing it... today, i saw someone with their hands out receiving and his or her head in the clouds... i dont' know what it all means. but i know it can't mean nothing.

ANd i truly realize what jonathan foreman meant when he sang...

I'm on fire when your with me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries...

i'm burning with a fire that hasn't licked it's flames onto my heart for the longest time...

o MAINTENANT! Dieu, je prie que vous nous envoyez votre gloire! O, Seigneur, il n'y a pas des mots pour decrier cette feu que vous m'avez donner. je me brule avec votre amour. O, si je pourrais voir votre visage...