well, well well...

i've been sick the last week or so... but i think i'm finally getting better. it's been hard cuz i havne't been going to school, but i ahve to go to my musical practices and performances. hahahahahahaha. it's getting me so delirious. anyways, i'm almost better today. I can actually go to sleep now cuz i'm not coughing as much. But i still stayed home. It felt wrong, cuz i felt healthy enough to go to school, it's just that i woke up too late and i didn't want to be tardy. look at my kooky -----CCOUGHSSS>.. COUGHS>.....----- sorry i just tried to cough out some phlegm that won't get out of my wind pipe.... anyways... look at my kooky logic... i'd rather cut than be tardy. well i wasn't cutting. It was excused cuz i'm still technically sick..... but man, it's kinda nice. 3 days not going to school. it's wonderful. so wonderful.

and just cuz i'm at musical practice so much these days, i can't get the words of the songs out of my head... like

There's no business like show business
like no business i know
everything about it is appealing
everything the traffic will allow
no where could you get that happy feeling
when you are stealing
that extra bow
bum bum bum

There's no people like show people they smile when they are down
Even with a turkey that you know will fold
you may be stranded out in the cold
Still you wouldn't trade it for a sack of gold
let's go on with the show!!!!

now what i really don't get is what even with a turkey that you know will fold means. Does it mean a turkey plays poker? does it mean that turkeys have the ability to make oragami? or are their bodies themselves foldable? THAT's what i'm confused about, and i've been wondering the whole time through this musical. HOW can a turkey fold? Their brains are much too small to play poker or do oragami. AND they are much too fat to fold ( trust me, i've tried folding turkey to fit more in my mouth on thanksgiving... if it's hard when they're cut apart, how much harder would it be for them to fold when they're alive and whole???). Anyways, that's the kunundrum of the day....

So i went to school today for a brief moment. I went to get some tickets for steph and jeanette. It was funny cuz people are like... where have you been, mr. perfect attendance?? I just smile guiltily and walk off.... Then i walk in and in the middle of the quad are 4 swai guys doing karoke to cry me a river and apparantly, 2 or 3 of them are swearing into the mikes cuz they don't know the song... so the whole time, they go on going man, i don't know this,... hahahahahahaha.... i felt bad for them... anyways... i get the tickets and MANDAC, one of the music teachers under Doc Felder and also the unofficial security official at our school spots me leaving school after brunch. He stops me and asks if i'm going to my car. I say no, he think's i'm cutting. So i tell him i'm supposed to be sick, but my mother sent me to get tickets. He looks at me, the smiles, and roars out in laughter, and goes... alright you can go. If i knew cutting was that easy and it didn't make me feel guilty and if it weren't against the rules, i would do it all the time!

so yeah, i went home and slept. I didn't want to watch tv, cuz tv's stupid. mucho stupido. But i watched pleasantville. I liked the concept... but the message kinda didn't make sense to me. they gave no answer to what was supposed to happen...i think there wasn't supposed to be an answer... it was just a analysis of the drudgery of modern society and the "perfect" society of the fifties... but in the end they said one should prefer the drudgery and brokenness and sadness today for the expense of being dangerous, free, and loud. I love being dangerous, free, and loud, but i do believe that there should be a responsibility for those freedoms... It never gave a solution to the negative consequences of that freedom. It just said EMBRACE the negative consequences! made me kinda wish we were close minded black and white people... but the world doesn't work that way, does it? I think... hm... this is going to come off really cheesy... but i think being black and white is worth keeping because i know i'll experience colors more beautiful and vibrant, and pleasure more beautiful and vibrant in the end... than instant pleasures of color that we can't handle at the moment. The thing i'm really wondering- Were we ready for "color"? meaning were we ready for that kind of freedom? I don't think the human race is ready for freedom... not even after thousands of years of civilization... no, we're not ready for that kind of freedom. We only mess it up all the time. It's the exact same thing that happened to Adam and Eve. They weren't ready for the freedom of knowledge... it's the same with us. If any of you have any time, you should read C.S. Lewis's Perelandra... gives a very good depiction of what i'm trying to say. I'm not making much sense on this... but one thing that's clear to me is that the only freedom in this universe is freedom in Christ. Freedom to do whatever we want, to be dangerous, to break taboos... that's more like bondage to me without Christ. The world's perception of freedom are chains in my eyes....

Well, enough with that. I'm really bored if i'm typing this much. I'm gonna be glad this week is over... musical will be over! that means my afternoons will be free again! to sleep! hooray!