i'm so scared. lonliness prowls around the tree i have fled into. somewhere beyond the hedges, the hyenas of depression wait to take the remains.

I WANT TO ESCAPE! LET ME OUT OF THIS TREE!! IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY?? i don't want to go back into those jaws... I don't want to be the prey anymore. God, you promised that with You, I would have authority over these things... that the beasts of sin and pride would flee as i ride upon you... Was it a lie? it's so hard to have faith. Help me believe that what you say stays, and it remains.

I've tried so hard to run away on my own... but my own legs can only take me so far. I've faked, i've manipulated... JESUS, I'M A LIE. i'm so tired of faking intimacy.

I want to KNOW You. I want to know you and the power of your ressurrection and the fellowship of sharing in Your sufferings, becoming LIKE YOU in your death, and so somehow to attain to the ressurection from the dead...

I've faked knowing you... i know how to do that so well... but i want to KNOW you... not the illusion of knowing, but the reality of knowing...