Ever since my sophmore year in highschool, Isaiah 58 seems to keep popping up at the weirdest times. I'm starting to realize how much of a theme verse it is in my life.

God is not calling us into abstinence, but is calling us into relationships.
Your intimacy and desire for more intimacy with God must be accompanied with an increase love of those around you- your love for God must be reflected in the lives of others and vice-versa.

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in other news, i think if i were to write a book, it would be called something like "The Empowering of God's Church Through Synergistic Unity". Anyways, that's a long title. I want to compile my ideas about revival and unity- been a lot of ideas just bouncing around in my head, and i've been too lazy to write any of it
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Isaiah 58


True Fasting

¹ "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
² For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
³ 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'

"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the , to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and ?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness ^[1] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD ,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

i don't know what to do.

they tell me to pray ridiculous prayers...

yet what they consider as ridiculous prayers are so predictable, so... crowd pleasing. If i were really to pray ridiculous prayers, all the voices would silence. There wouldn't be one amen, or sigh of approval. There would be silence. Silence of confusion. Silence of offense.

Ridiculous prayers are always accepted- would they be if they were offensive? what if someone someone were to start swearing when they prayed? it'd be a lot more honest than these fake prayers that we call "ridiculous prayer". What if someone were to pray against church corruption and utter fakeness beyond what people think are fake? What if someone were to ask God to save the gays without mentioning "God's justice" in setting them out of their bad lifestyle? What if someone were to pray for mercy on America because of bad Bush policies?

They tell me to pray ridiculous prayers, but if they were truly ridiculous, i would be shunned and locked up, excommunicated from a community that is supposedly accepting to all.

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And what about unity? Everyone says they value unity- but GAAAAH- they don't. Everyone thinks they're right and everyone else is wrong. I'm so sick of this fakeness, this gimmick... DO YOU KNOW THE POWER OF COMMUNITY??? Why does everyone belittle it to some pointless cause, that's impossible and "eats away at our theological integrity"? I'm so tired, so frustrated. Why is it when people think "unity", they think of exact copies of everyone else? God's unity is not assimilation into a mold, but being able to bless eachother with the diversity that God gave us! it's so simple! Paul said it! I swear! I'm not new age! I'm not just a crazy liberal who doesn't have any foundation and accepts everything! PAUL SAID IT! your freakin patron saint. Nobody values unity anymore and we're all satisfied with our own business. well, JESUS VALUED IT.

Psalm 120


A song of ascents.

¹ I call on the LORD in my distress,
and he answers me.
² Save me, O LORD , from lying lips
and from deceitful tongues.

³ What will he do to you,
and what more besides, O deceitful tongue?
⁴ He will punish you with a warrior's sharp arrows,
with burning coals of the broom tree.

⁵ Woe to me that I dwell in Meshech,
that I live among the tents of Kedar!
⁶ Too long have I lived
among those who peace.
⁷ I am a man of peace;
but when I speak, they are for war.
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it is this kind of double mindedness that is driving me mad... driving me back into bitterness everyday. God! help me to love those around me! Help me to love even the pharisees i think i see. But sometimes, i wonder, Jesus- Did you ever love the pharisees? Were you ever compassionate for them? Jesus, how did you not get bitter? How did you become angry at the pharisees in the temple, yet resist anger's ability to pull the flesh into sin? How did you use your frustration to bless rather than to curse?

I'm so damn tired. you tell me that you give me no burden that is too heavy for me. Then why have i felt so crushed by this burden? Help me to trust in You... to see through Your eyes, and not through my own. Help me know when to speak out, and when to keep silent.

so much freedom today! phew! thank you God, for not prolonging that bad period for too long!

something from deep inside
past the walls of busy-ness
through the bars of apathy...

screams for freedom

JESUS! come and FREE ME!

i've been learning that i must focus on the blessings of obedience instead of the curse of disobedience.