disappointment, regret.

hope, trust.

It's like those two sets of values are always battling in my head. it practically drives me insane.


I'm doing better than i did before, but damnit, it still hurts.

how come everybody i like would never like me, and everyone who likes me i would never like?

hahahahaha life is full of ironies.

Anyways, ironies would be fine if they didn't end up being so complicated and seem to ruin my life everytime hahahaha. anyways, that's enough vaguness for this post. goodbye.

i've been in one of those moods these days... where i can be with a million people i know really well but still feel lonely. that feeling really bugs me. why can't i just enjoy it? and i try to look like it on the outside, but it's all a facade.

maybe it's because my mind has been elsewhere. i was thinking the whole day about... uhm... well never mind. my mind's always on this, but i'll refrain from making this entry anymore emo than it already is.

in other news, i'm part of the pen 15 club now. it's quite the club to be in.

how long must i wait? and how much of the waiting is really cowardice? and how much am i using the waiting to learn more about myself and God?

i'm not sure what exactly i'm waiting for. I guess for you. but what exactly i'm waiting for you to do... i'm not sure.

i've been avoiding lately. unhealthily and selfishly as a form of protection for myself. but if it were really selfless, it would be to protect you, and to keep confusion from you.

I'm trying to grapple that my acceptance in God's eyes is all I need. It's such a hard concept to live by.

how vague can i be. hahahaha.