some of the conversation at green tea house after bible made me really sad. i'm still reeling from it... i couldn't really say anything... just listened in an utterly deep sadness...

Christians... talking about being amazed by a hypnotist. They were so interested in it. They were all wondering how it felt. They were speaking in amazement about the hypnotist making a guy who never spoke japanese speak japanese. He made people fall down unconcious with a word.

And it's not them that makes me the most angry, the saddest. It's those christians who buy this, but who would never be found with "secular music". They call screaming devil music. They always stress the importance of reading scripture. They get mad at me for not praying long enough before meals. They look at me offended when i laugh at how ridiculous the tradition in the church is. They say that the miracles in the Bible can never be done today, and that tongues are not real.

The rules and regulations in the church have become so secularized... yet so cleverly disguised as holiness. such an empty holiness...

DO YOU KNOW GOD BEYOND YOUR TRADITIONS??? DO YOU KNOW GOD BEYOND YOUR LEGALISM?? HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERD THE SHEER MAJESTY OF HIS POWER??

It disturbs me so much that the greater part of the body of Christ can embrace such a counterfeit, such a lie. They sound so apathetic when they talk about Jesus' life during a bible study. Yet when they talk about some hypnotist doing things that don't even measure up to what God can do, there's such a wonder in their eyes!

I tried to brush it off. Then today, i see those "holistic healers" doing their crap on library walk. people were so amazed at some little warming in their hands... I couldn't fight the anguish from showing it self on my face... i kept walking.

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My sould thirsts for God, for the living God.
Where can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night
While men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God"

God! Do not be silent as the enemy mocks your power and deceives your loved ones!

The worst part is that all i can really do is watch them go deeper into it... the fear holds me back from saying anything... from standing up for the God that I live for. I am the greatest of hypocrites for saying nothing.

Manifesto for Revival

So many have become jaded to the word "revival". The church has lost faith that revival is a real thing and can really bring change to society. It is tired of people saying revival is one thing, and revival is another thing, that they have lost faith in this almost mystic goal for the church. However, I believe that revival is possible and requires not following one vision of revival, but letting the visions work together as one.

Unity
Some may look at this and see only the impossibility of unity and revival, which is a very real impossibility. The usual response in this is to shy away in it because it is not humanly possible. That however is apathy, and is not fair to the God that created the church. Revival requires faith, not just because it's a "requirement", but because it is utterly impossible on human terms. Everyone will agree on that. However, will we believe that it is entirely possible on God's terms? If it is truly something that is possible on God's terms, then it is something we must earnestly seek for in faith and hope.

Revival will occur when the strength of the charismatic church in prayer and the evangelistic church's strength in evangelism will be able to work together.

This means the surrender of saying one is above the other. Neither can function without the other. Prayer is simply empty words of hypocrisy if there is no evangelism. Evangelism will simply be vane attempts at doing God's work with the feeble power of man without prayer.

The church must unite together. Unity is another word that has lost its value. People have jaded their hearts to this idea from many misconceptions. Unity is not a loss of identity, but a submission of identity to God. The essential and powerful concept of unity has been neglected by the church in several areas, including revival.

Love
For too long, both sides of the church have had too narrow of a view of the word "revival". The charismatic church has made the emphasis on a restoration of powerful intercession and intimacy with the God. The evangelistic church has made the emphasis on bringing salvation to others and bringing people into community. Both of these in one way or the other focus on where to place the church's love- God or the community. It has seems one side is always neglected.

However, Jesus' command to love was two fold- Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus didn't say "love the lord your god, or love your neighbor as yourself". He specifically said to do both. The church must come to a realization that revival will only occur when we come to balance these two principles. These two principles feed on one another. Intimacy with God enables us to love others, and loving others is a way of loving our God.

Revival requires both social reformation and spiritual reformation- which altogether brings about the fulfillment of Jesus's command to love. When both social and spiritual reformation happen at the same time, they will begin to feed one another, creating a supernatural synergy. This synergy that occurs at the intersection of social and spiritual reformation creates a revolutionary environment in the church, birthed out of love- revival.

(the previous is based on generalizations of the major division in the church today {charismatic/evangelical}- there are definitely exceptions in both the charismatic and evangelistic groups)

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
-1 Corinthians 13:13

It's bigger than cold religion
It's bigger than life

Love is the movement
Love is the revolution
This is redemption
We don't have to slow back down
-Switchfoot



GOD! MAY IT HAPPEN IN MY DAYS!

i am so blessed to have all these friends.

this has been one of the best birthdays i've had- no random mood swings, no desiring for attention from people because it's my birthday, no feelings of lonliness...

and the best part was, i didn't have to try to do anything this year to make myself feel like i deserved it...

it's nice to live life satisfied with what you have. It's only then that you get more than what you have or deserve.

thank you everyone, thank You, God.

i don't feel like rephrasing it, so i'll just spit out what samuel wrote a few days ago:

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so today, the pastor talked about sumthin that shocked me yet made me sad that its true, but tell me wat ya'll think: The Church is not how it should be, true? we are not unified as a body, and we are so legalistic and not Spirit-centered. could it also possibly be said that the Church is 'cheating' on God? or can it also be rephrased as, "The Church is sleeping with the World in bed?" Rise up Church with broken wings! i dont want to cheat on our Groom. He's comin soon, and i dont wanna be caught "sleeping in bed" with this world. what do you guys think?

it's so frustrating to have a passion for unity and nobody else having it. It's even more frustrating when you mess up and fall short of that passion and everyone sees it and points their fingers at you... i constantly live in the shadow of that fear.

God, this week has been so frustrating... I come before you and confess i can't do a thing. I've been going about this as if it's all my power, but now i realize unity is something that i or any other man can never bring apart from you. I surrender.

Change my heart and change the hearts of the other leaders to pursue You and see Your vision for community that points towards You.

i always expect something for my birthday.
I wish i could honestly say i was unselfish. But the reality is that i feel entitled to something every year on that day. Well... how about all those kids without family... without a father, a mother... they have no home. My life of luxury destroys all entitlement i have to anything. My petty depressions from not getting things i want just seems so sickening...

May my heart align with Paul's heart:

"What was once to my gain, i now count as loss... what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord... I want to know Christ, the power of his ressurrection, the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, being made like him in his , and so somehow to attain to the ressurection from the "
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What do you do when a good sister and a good brother start to become really good "friends" with eachother?

I can be such a retard sometimes to those sisters and brothers. I get so jealous when they start falling in love. I try to compete for both of their attentions because i abhor the feeling of being left out. It is this jealousness that has plagued me so much. It turns my worship to God sour because i'm not trying to serve God in the things i do, but i try to impress people for their attention and friendship.

I'm so jealous, because it's been so long since i felt like i fell in love. In fact, i don't think i've ever really let myself fall in love. I've been so afraid for so long. God, help me break out of this jealousness, this fear. I keep reassuring myself that just because people fall in love doesn't mean my friendship with them will end, but it has never seemed to be a reality.