i always expect something for my birthday.
I wish i could honestly say i was unselfish. But the reality is that i feel entitled to something every year on that day. Well... how about all those kids without family... without a father, a mother... they have no home. My life of luxury destroys all entitlement i have to anything. My petty depressions from not getting things i want just seems so sickening...

May my heart align with Paul's heart:

"What was once to my gain, i now count as loss... what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord... I want to know Christ, the power of his ressurrection, the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, being made like him in his , and so somehow to attain to the ressurection from the "
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What do you do when a good sister and a good brother start to become really good "friends" with eachother?

I can be such a retard sometimes to those sisters and brothers. I get so jealous when they start falling in love. I try to compete for both of their attentions because i abhor the feeling of being left out. It is this jealousness that has plagued me so much. It turns my worship to God sour because i'm not trying to serve God in the things i do, but i try to impress people for their attention and friendship.

I'm so jealous, because it's been so long since i felt like i fell in love. In fact, i don't think i've ever really let myself fall in love. I've been so afraid for so long. God, help me break out of this jealousness, this fear. I keep reassuring myself that just because people fall in love doesn't mean my friendship with them will end, but it has never seemed to be a reality.