man i hate this.

drowning in a dark blackness
where will it end.

the negativity like a poison
hallucinates me
blocking Your light.

My heart has grown cold...
so very cold

trying to love You, turned my heart to stone
now i can't love at all.

what will i do.


heavy weight falls on my shoulders...
a weight i hadn't felt for so long.

a cancer that had become benign for some time
has just rejuvinated itself.

geez... I go to New York and they change the format. How amazing.

New York was crazy. have to talk about it later.

But I'm back, and the devil's attacking me crazier than before... Had to struggle with temptation the whole day... actually from when i went to sleep till like this afternoon... nonstop carnage. I hate the devil

And then there's this dark feeling that i've never felt. Maybe temptation opened me up too much... crap. I need to recover.

anyways. i won't talk too much about my dark feelings, because i'll end up sounding like i was in junior high and early highschool... deeply depressing.

Anyways, i still hate hormones. And i still think they should be extracted from humanity. And i still believe that after that, they should be banned. There. That's it.

hormones should be extracted from humanity and banned.

HAHAHA... this is the official un-official permission slip for our senior sleepover with church people... man, dave and ken, I will miss your humor. Thanks for sticking up for us and not getting mad at the parents who made you make a permission slip. The way you guys kept your cool is inspiring.

-----------------------------------------

This permission slip is for an over-night activity at David King's residence beginning at 10pm on Saturday, June 14, 2003, and ending Sunday, June 15, 2003. By signing this slip, I acknowledge that my child will be having fun by bonding with fellow Christian brothers and sisters under the supervision of Christian adults (respected, mature Christian guys and girl(s)). I realize that while my child spends time with friends made since childhood, he/she may smile, laugh, re-enforce existing friendships, and rediscover old ones. As I release my child into the care of David King and Ken Lau, there may be times when my child cries while reminiscing about old memories that have passed. However, those tears of joy are acceptable because my child will be building new memories during this over-night event to take to college.

David King's residence is two stories, and at this over-night activity, once the lights are out, all the guys will remain on the first floor, and all the girls will remain on the second floor. If any youth disobeys this rule, they will sleep outside on the cold cement. Before lights out, the youth will not be allowed to venture off on their own, so there will be no chance for romance. Excessive hormones will be confiscated and auctioned off on eBay.

I understand that drugs and alcohol are not allowed at this event, and if my child brings any controlled substance, he/she will be immediately sent home. My child is expected to act responsibly and respectably, and he/she should inform an adult of his/her whereabouts at all times.

Parent’s name: ______________________

Parent’s signature: ______________________

Child’s name: ______________________

Date: __________



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If you do not want your child spending the night with his/her Christian brothers and sisters, please let your child know what time they are expected to be home. However, if you truly love your kid, you will let him or her spend the night with their childhood friends.

i'm in a bind.
can't go one way
can't go the other.
I guess all i can do is wait right here
God, you'll make a way.

yeah... so i'm over-optimistic and naive. well, there's not enough of it in the world these days. So i may as well have too much.

Bloody Pride
-----------------------

the time of the year comes, when all get awards for what they've done and accomplished in the senior class... and it gets me thinking... Do we really deserve it all? "looking at their accomplishments, these students deserve to be proud." I disagree.

I don't mean to say that what people have accomplished isn't important... it's just that it's all so empty.

"The people who aren't recognized are the people who didn't tell us." so people get recognized for what they've shown off to other people? where's the humility? Shouldn't the people who have been accomplishing things without the desire to be recognized be recognized the most? This world's just not fair to the people who truly deserve recognition.

I will gladly admit that what i received was not deserved. the applause was not deserved. The pictures not deserved. All the things that were received were just God's mercy, letting me taste a little bit of the glory that only He the Almighty God of the universe deserves.

You must increase, i must decrease... take back the glory i've stolen, Jesus. amen.

so i haven't updated in a while... and seeing there is nothing thoughtful on my mind... i should stop typing at this moment...